The 1st empty room

Today we left Breanna our oldest daughter in Arkansas to attend college at the university of Arkansas in Morilton. She will be living with my parents. Which apparently is a good thing because when everyone hears that they say "oh that is better". My 1st thought usually is "I don't know how that is better I still have an empty bedroom at my house". But I realize that is a completely selfish way to see it. It IS better for Breanna, she is with family, not in a dorm of strangers doing God knows what! She is not with a room mate she has never met and will have to adjust to living with. Her room mates are 2 people she has known her whole life. Now she will get to know them in a totally new way. These are memories and times she will cherish her whole life. She will learn what amazing people my parents are up close and personal. There are no 2 people in the world I trust more to take care of her than my parents. 

But, at the same time, I must bring up the empty bedroom at my house. The room that has always held my first born baby girl now sits empty and echoes with loneliness. As I washed the headboard to the bed we were sending with her I began to think "have I given her all she needs to survive on her own?" Did I hug on her enough? Did I cherish each moment she was in my house enough? Did I teach her how to be nice to others? Did I teach her how to take up for herself? And the balance between the 2? As a mother I have never felt adequate   I'm not a squishy gushy ewwy gooey type mom. A "miss patty cake" (have u seen those videos) kind of a lady. So I always wonder should I be more like that? I have always talked to my kids (and church kids) like they were older than they are. I quit that baby talk stuff pretty quick. Maybe that is wrong. How do you know!! 

Daniel and I have always said "you are gonna scar your kids it's just a matter of when and how bad". So I know I haven't done things perfectly. There are times I have been to harsh and punished her when I should have been gracious, and other times I should have brought the hammer down and I let it slide. 

All I can say for sure is I love that kid with all my heart and would lay down my life for her in and instant. I will miss her living under my roof on a daily basis. I will miss our talks, giggles, inside jokes and kisses good night. But I am anxious to see what God has in store for her. I know she has great things inside of her. She was born for greatness. She has big things in her heart, ready to explode. She has been well planted. Now it's time to bloom.