Separation Anxiety

So as most of you know I have a new job now. I work at a preschool in the 2 year old class. I truly love my job. I feel like God has me right where he wants me right now!! This is an amazing ministry. I love pouring into their lives every day. I wanted to tell you ONE of the things that God has taught me through this process.

The first week of July I had a new little boy start in my class. He is 2 years 3 months. He has NEVER been in a child care situation. So mom gets a full time job out of the home and so the little boy, we will call him Randy, must start at "school"So at 8 a.m. Tuesday July 5th Randy is dropped off into a room with 7 other children and a lady, ME, he has never met. His father kisses him and leaves. Randy begins to cry, and does NOT STOP until 4:30 that afternoon. This continues for 4 more days. Randy is dropped off, Randy cries or 7 hours in my class Randy's dad comes to get him.

When Randy would be crying he would repeat the same sentence over and over "I wanna see my daddy".  I have worked with children with separation anxiety before. I know the best way to deal with it is to create trust and a loving environment. No matter what Randy does or says I have to make him feel and know he is in a safe place and his dad will come back to get him.

So our conversations would go like this:
Randy "I wanna see my daddy"
Lori "I know you do buddy, he will be here soon, lets play blocks"
Randy "I wanna see my daddy"
Lori "Randy, blocks are fun, they stack and we can knock them down watch...."
Randy "I wanna see my daddy"
Lori "I know you do buddy, but lets build a tower..."

Then  I would carry on and act like I couldn't hear him repeat the same sentence over and over for 7 hours. There was no logic to his argument. He couldn't see or understand past what he wanted. I couldn't reason with him and explain "Dude, if you cry for 7 hours or you play for 7 hours, you still have to be here for 7 hours till dad comes back, might as well be happy for those 7 hours." So I just had to let him cry. Try to talk to him when I could and tend to his needs and work with him best I could.

I did my best every day to show him, it doesn't matter if you are sad, happy, or throwing a fit the rules in Ms. Lori's class do not change and I will love you the same no matter what. Those first few days were LONG!! For both of us. I knew I had to consistently show him that my classroom was a safe and happy place. It has taken 4 long weeks, where everyday he has cried a little less each day. Friday he only cried once and it was because I had to leave for the day.


So this is what God has been talking to me about. I can be just like Randy sometimes. When new situations happen in my life. I am dropped off into something I don't know, like or trust. I scream and cry and throw a fit. We have conversations that go like this
 Me- "I wanna have it my way"
God "I know you do Lori, but that will come soon enough, here, lets enjoy this ______________ I have given you"
Me-"I wanna have it my way"
God "But this is cool too, there are all kinds of things you will learn, ways you will grow friend you will make.
Me "I wanna have it my way"
God "I have heard you say that, now lets get to work on this...."

How often do I act like the 2 yr old! I have been saved and in church my whole life. But still something happens and I throw a big ole baby fit. Then eventually I will, just like Randy, learn this is a safe happy place I can trust God will take care of me and HIS way is better and it is gonna happen this way if  I like it or not, so might as well jump on board and have a good time with it.

I feel like I am in a place with God that no matter what place in life he drops me off. I can take a deep breath and say "My Father is trustworthy and true. He has NEVER let me down. He has never left me and not come back for me. He has NEVER left me to fend for myself. I might not like this. I can cry. I can weep. I can sob. But I will ALWAYS ALWAYS trust!!"

Education philosophy

Education philosophy

I feel that children learn best in an environment where they feel safe and loved. A child must first feel that they can trust you before they will open up their minds to begin to learn from you.  This is why I fully agree with Maslow that it is most important to build trust and an environment of safety and love with a child.  When a new child enters my class I will work on showing them my class is a safe space. They are allowed to have fun and they are allowed to express themselves in a safe way. Having said that, I believe part of that trust is establishing boundaries. Children crave boundaries and it is part of establishing that trust. Even in the first few months of life, whether they know it or not, children are constantly asking the question “do you love me enough to say NO?” It is our responsibility as the adults in their lives to answer that question with “yes, I love you enough to say NO”. This question is asked by a baby when they begin to put dangerous things in his or her mouth and we take those things away. This question is asked again by a toddler and preschooler who wants to slap, kick, bite or hurt others or just simply do things he knows he shouldn’t. The adults in his life need to say, “no, you can’t do that”.  This question is asked again by a school age child who learns to talk back, disobey and lie and the adults in his life need to say “No, you can’t do that.” The question is asked over and over and over again, every day a hundred times in a hundred ways. WE must create a safe space for them to learn by creating safe healthy, boundaries that say “I love you enough to say NO and Yes”.

After children begin to feel safe with you, they want to explore and learn all about their world. I feel like they should be allowed the freedom to do so. I am the kind of teacher that will sit back and watch my toddlers climb as high as they can on the climber and then get to the top and cry for help. I do not get them down, I facilitate them getting themselves down. They got up there; they can get down! I coach them how, and this fosters independence! They quickly learn this concept and can do it on their own and feel so proud of themselves when they get up and down all by themselves! It is important to allow children to learn through experiences.   This is not to say you should stand back and watch them burn themselves with an iron so they learn the word hot! But if they want to see what salt tastes like because it looks like sugar, put some on your finger and see what they think. Experience is a great teacher.  Our 5 senses are the best way we remember things and children’s senses are just standing by waiting for input!

Lastly, we know that all children learn differently. Some are more auditory, some are kinetic, some are visual, and some are tactile or a combination of several or all.  So in planning lessons and activities we must keep all of our learners in mind. We have to do things throughout the day to keep all of our learners engaged. Some may enjoy one activity more than others, some may not be able to keep on task at all, but it is about trying to get them to do something they may not have otherwise tried to do. We must also be sensitive to each child’s needs and issues. We may have a child with sensory issues, or strong aversions. If we keep this in mind as we present activities, it will make presenting lessons easier on everyone. Lessons should be prepared with the students in mind that the material will be presented to.  If you know your students, you can tailor the lessons more specifically to their interests and educational needs. Education is about taking a child from where they currently are and moving them forward.  Every child is unique and should be treated as such.

Early Childhood Education is an absolute PASSION of mine. I wish I could teach every person in the world about how crucial it is! From the moment a child takes its first breath it is learning. Their brains are developing faster than science and technology can even count! Synaptic pathways are building by the nanosecond. They are learning while they are sleeping, they are learning while their parents are thinking they are just looking at them. I teach a class of 2 year olds, every day. Those sweet babies are coming up with new and amazing stuff.  They change faster than I can keep up with. My task as their teacher is an overwhelming blessing, but a huge responsibility. I am helping to build humans, everyday! What I do and say with those little people matters. If I’m having a bad day and say or do something that isn’t nice, it could create a little wrinkle in their brain that could have a lasting effect. I have to be on top of my game ALL DAY EVERY DAY! It’s a big job and I am beyond honored to do it. 

More Than She Bargained For!!

So I am finishing up my 1st semester back in school in 20yrs. I am taking Sociology. All my classes are online. I have not met any of my professors. But I sense my Sociology professor maybe a "free-spirit" kinda-gal. Mainly because her only email to the class said "I am teaching all my classes online this semester because I am backpacking across Europe. And will only grade papers once a month when I am able to get internet access". Anyway, a few other things along the way has given me a few hints to her personality. I do not know of her personal relationship with Jesus. But at the end of every chapter we must write a "reflection paper" on anything from that chapter. The last chapter was on religion. So I decided to go out guns a blazin' . I have a 99% in that class as of now, so even if I get a big fat 0 on the paper I will pass the class. I thought I would share with all of you what I wrote. The paper I wrote is below. (BTW , I know I don't know much about punctuation )

For my last reflection paper I chose to write about the topic brought up in our text book under the heading “Religious Revival: Old Time Religion”. This part of the text book talks about the growth of fundamentalism- a conservative religious doctrine that opposes intellectualism and worldly accommodation in favor of restoring traditional, otherworldly religion.  The text book lists the 5 ways that religious fundamentalism is distinct which is 1. Take the words of sacred text literally 2. reject religious pluralism 3. pursue the personal experience of God’s presence 4. Oppose “secular humanism” and 5 endorse conservative political goals.  The textbook says that this movement is 26% of US adult’s upbringing.

            It is evident to me that the author of our textbook doesn't agree with the fundamentalists belief system. I on the other hand DO, whole hardheartedly.  So much so, that the authors, tone was offensive to me. I felt his very definition of fundamentalist was demeaning, and rude.  I agree with the 5 ways we are distinct, but I believe there are many more than those 5. I was raised fundamentalists, and have no doubt in my mind that it is the best way to live, so when it is called into question, it is like someone is asking me why is the sky blue. I really have no answer except it just is. How do I know God is real, because He IS. I have felt his presence, I have heard him speak to my heart, I have felt him move on my spirit, I have seen his hand at work in my life so many times I could not begin to write them all down.  When the author suggest we reject religious pluralism, my defense to that, is only that I don’t reject religious pluralism God does, His word says it. It says “I am the way the truth and the life and no man comes to the Father but by Me” John 14:6. That 1^st  way we are distinct is the truest. We base our life off of that!! And it is easily done, I mean history alone will tell you how many authors the bible has, and how many years it was written over and not once does it contradict itself! Seriously, that alone is a miracle! So many reasons that the Bible is proven over and over to be alive and active in peoples lives. Not to mention that when people have a true and real encounter with the presence of God (distinct #3) they are forever changed and even though they may not decide to continue to live their life in a way that pleases Him they will always know that they were touched by a loving Father.

I live my life day in and day out in this “fundamentalist” concept. I am not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I mess up and disappoint God daily.  But I know that I know that I know God is my Father and He is in Heaven preparing a place for me to come join him one day. I believe the Bible is God breathed scripture written by men, inspired by God. I believe God sent his only Son to die on the cross to make atonement for my sins, and when I asked God to forgive me of my sins He did just that. I believe He does that for everyone that will ask him. Some call that “fundamentalist” or “old time religion” I believe it is more than that. I believe it is a way of life. 

Reading this text didn't change how or what I believe, it just opens my eyes to how others see us a little. I know that others outside the “circle” can’t understand our way of thinking. They see it as narrow minded and closed thinking.  I understand that they believe that since we see certain lifestyle choices, and points of view as sins that makes us seem like the bad guy.  But I always want to say to people “I didn't write the book folks!!” It wasn't us that came up with the rules! God did, he is the one that made some things OK and some things not OK. It wasn't us . Just because we decided to take the Father at his Word and believe he means what he says and He isn't willing to turn a blind eye to some things because we want him to doesn't make us the bad guy.

I try to keep an open mind to society when it comes to how they view us, because often they don’t when keep an open mind towards us. Because we are pro life, we therefore don’t care about women’s rights, is the way they chose to see it. I chose to see it as, the women still have the right to chose, she just is suppose to chose not to have sex or not to have sex. I think we want the same things we just want to go about it differently. We all want to live in peace and harmony. We just believe the best way to get there is to have God at the center of your life and I don’t think the rest of society believes that. I am not sure what they would say needs to be the center of their lives. I won’t be changing the way I believe I am sure of that, I don’t see society coming our way in waves so I hope we will find a way to get along. 

The 1st empty room

Today we left Breanna our oldest daughter in Arkansas to attend college at the university of Arkansas in Morilton. She will be living with my parents. Which apparently is a good thing because when everyone hears that they say "oh that is better". My 1st thought usually is "I don't know how that is better I still have an empty bedroom at my house". But I realize that is a completely selfish way to see it. It IS better for Breanna, she is with family, not in a dorm of strangers doing God knows what! She is not with a room mate she has never met and will have to adjust to living with. Her room mates are 2 people she has known her whole life. Now she will get to know them in a totally new way. These are memories and times she will cherish her whole life. She will learn what amazing people my parents are up close and personal. There are no 2 people in the world I trust more to take care of her than my parents. 

But, at the same time, I must bring up the empty bedroom at my house. The room that has always held my first born baby girl now sits empty and echoes with loneliness. As I washed the headboard to the bed we were sending with her I began to think "have I given her all she needs to survive on her own?" Did I hug on her enough? Did I cherish each moment she was in my house enough? Did I teach her how to be nice to others? Did I teach her how to take up for herself? And the balance between the 2? As a mother I have never felt adequate   I'm not a squishy gushy ewwy gooey type mom. A "miss patty cake" (have u seen those videos) kind of a lady. So I always wonder should I be more like that? I have always talked to my kids (and church kids) like they were older than they are. I quit that baby talk stuff pretty quick. Maybe that is wrong. How do you know!! 

Daniel and I have always said "you are gonna scar your kids it's just a matter of when and how bad". So I know I haven't done things perfectly. There are times I have been to harsh and punished her when I should have been gracious, and other times I should have brought the hammer down and I let it slide. 

All I can say for sure is I love that kid with all my heart and would lay down my life for her in and instant. I will miss her living under my roof on a daily basis. I will miss our talks, giggles, inside jokes and kisses good night. But I am anxious to see what God has in store for her. I know she has great things inside of her. She was born for greatness. She has big things in her heart, ready to explode. She has been well planted. Now it's time to bloom. 

Channeling my inner Dortha Dee

This is me and Granny (before I lost 35 lbs)

My Maternal Grandmother, was Dortha Dee Kinslow. She was an amazing woman. She had many amazing talents and skills. She was a mom, grandmother, great-grandmother, a school teacher, a seamstress and many other things.

One of my favorite stories that came to us at her funeral was from the funeral director. Granny  had taught this funeral director when he was young. He told us that one day he was playing at school and ripped his new and expensive coat. He apparently flipped out pretty bad because he knew his mom and dad didn't have a lot of money and was going to be pretty upset he had ruined his new coat. Granny told him not to worry and she would take the coat home and fix it. He said the next day she came back to school with the coat and he couldn't even tell where the rip had been and his parents never knew it happened.  She was very talented when it came to repairs of clothes, and upholstery. I swear she could fix anything made of fabric. 

She could look at things and see how she wanted to make it and then just sit down at sewing machine and come up later with whatever was in her head. Once she sewed a very pretty cover for her mother's handicap toilet, (ya know the kind that looks like a grown up potty chair that sits in the middle of the room). They covered when Momma Nona wasn't using it and it looked like any other chair in the room. People sat in it when they came to visit and never knew what they were sitting on. She didn't have a pattern, just a thought in her head.

Anyway, occasionally I like to try to do the same thing. Please understand, I got 1/16th of granny's abilities.  Granny was very meticulous and detail oriented and I am like a bull in a china closet, I want it done fast! So I don't get the same results she did.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine put this picture on FB of a skirt that she saw in a boutique. It was cute. I thought "I bet I could make that". 

So yesterday I went to the thrift shop down the road, and with  $10 in my pocket, I picked out 4 pairs of jeans and came home with a mission.  

I called mom for a little pre-project consolation, and then got to cutting.  

I cut the legs off the jeans of the size of the
skirt that I wanted, then measured out a
 6 by 6 inch square. Then I cut as many squares
out of the rest of the jeans as
I could, never counted how
 many squares I cut.

I sewed the squares together in a
pattern making a long strip.

Then I sewed them together in strips, then
sewed the strips together to make a "tube".

I sewed the tubes on the top of the jeans. 

The back, I made the slit in the back a little off center,
I thought with all the patches being off center, It
looked better.

I am no, Dortha Dee, but I felt like I did pretty good, with no pattern and never have seen the real skirt in person.  I thought it was fun.  I made this one for my friend that posted the picture. I am going to make one for Breanna now. She said she wants her patches to be more "all over the place". That should be a little more challenging. 

Mommy and Me PKU Days

Mommy and Me- PKU days

I have 3 very individual and wonderful children. I truly enjoy spending time with each one of them. They are funny and intellectual. We have fun as a group, and I really enjoy spending time with each one of them one on one.  With crazy schedules and them getting older, this is becoming harder and harder. But since Keenan has been 2 weeks old, we have had PKU days. Where we go to PKU clinic, this is just where we visit the doctor, they take his blood, monitor his developmental progress, head growth (to make sure his brain is growing) and we discuss diet issues.

When he was 2 weeks old we went to clinic the 1^st time. We then began going once a week until he was 2. Then we went to every other week, till 3 then once a month till 4. When we moved to Louisiana, they only wanted him to come every 6 months. We thought this was crazy, but it was an hour drive vs. the 30 min drive when we lived in Oklahoma so we agreed and just mailed to blood Tulsa.  Then when we moved here to North Carolina, they only needed to see him every 6 months because he was 7 and with this move, it was a 3 hour drive to clinic. On 80% of these visits it has been just me and Keenan. So we get to have got to have some really great Mommy and me days.

Of course when he was little he doesn't remember much about them. I do, we would giggle and play with chalk board in Dr. Coldwell’s office. We would draw his letters on the board when he got older and he would guess them. There were a few times I took a picnic lunch so we could play at the park afterward and eat at the park. When we moved to LA, and had to drive so far, we would pack movies for him to watch in the car on the way there and back. Where we had to see the Dr. was at the state hospital, it was dirty and awful. I was always scared to let him touch any of the toys or books. So I kept him in my lap and we would just play on my phone or just talk.

The North Carolina visits have been the most fun so far, he is older and the hospital we go to is HUGE and has several cool areas. He and I wait for the doctor and have fun and intelligent conversations. We laugh and act silly. Today was the most fun. We spent the wait time laughing about silly stuff and then talked to the dietitian. This part is always a little tough for him. He doesn't like to spend to much time talking about his diet. Then we talked to Dr. Mugay. She is a very cool doctor.  I had drawn a smiley face on Keenan’s belly. She thought that was pretty funny. Then we went to the hospital cafeteria. Keenan likes to eat there, cause there are so many choices. They have some really cool cause and effect ball sculptures there. We love to watch them for a while. Then looked at the doll houses, then played on the escalators. Then we bought some Starbucks coffee, Keenan’s 1^st Starbucks ever. Then we hit the road. Half way between the hospital and our house is a super fun trampoline park in Winston-Salem, and so we made an hour long pit stop to jump for an hour. It was great fun! I love spending time with my little man. We have laughed all day!!  

I know that I only have a few more years of pku days ahead of us. As he gets older he may take himself at some point or heaven forbid, want to take a girlfriend with him instead of his MOTHER!! So I do my best to cherish each and every day that we have just me and him. He is a wonderful boy and I know he will grow up to be an amazing man. And I am so glad God put him in my life. 

I am Thankful.

I have always identified with 2 Timothy 1:5  where Paul tells Timothy “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”

I am so thankful for my Christian heritage. See My mom is a pastor’s wife, her mom was a pastors wife and her mom mom’s was a pastor’s wife. 

  But when mom and dad got married they weren't saved. My life would have turned out very different if dad and mom had not got saved. I have heard all my life of how mom and dad spent their weekends in bars. This is a picture of mom in 1970. If this was the lady that raised me, I would be a different woman all together. Does this lady to the left look like a pastor's wife???  

  My parents raised me in church. Not like regular church like most people think of when they hear that they think “oh yeah me too, Sunday morning Sunday night and Wednesday nights, and once and a while when we would have special services we would go then to” No, that’s not what I mean. I was literally raised in the church. Dad started preaching full time when I was only a few months old. And we attended church nightly, as he began saying “yes” to every preaching invitation he was offered, something I am still not sure he has learned to say “no” to yet.

I don’t understand a lifestyle that church is optional. I can’t tell you the first time I heard someone talk in tongues. I don’t know a life that this is not 100% normal behavior. I was taught how to figure out the sale prices on clothes in relation to tithes, if something is 20% off that means tithes twice. To me prayer and a relationship with God is as natural as the sun coming up in the morning. Because my parents didn't just take me to church but they raised me with a Kingdom mentality I think and look at the world differently. I didn't live perfect as a teenager and young adult. But even when I was furthest away from God I never doubted who God was, if he was real, if he loved me or my experiences with him. Because of the things mom and dad taught me and the way they raised me I knew that God was never gonna leave me alone, I was gonna have to straighten up and fly right cause He was a God of love that would always pursue me.

So, I am Thankful that God allowed me to be raised in a Christian home. I am thankful that my “normal” is a Pentecostal experience. I am thankful that I was raised in a home where the daddy isn't perfect but he loves God so extravagant and preaches the word passion that it is contagious to those around him. I am thankful for a mother who sets an amazing example as a pastors wife of excellent character and faith. I am thankful that the God I asked to be my personal savior I was 3 years old, is the same yesterday today and forever.